Holy Shit!! With Nate & Esha
A beginners guide to spiritual awakening, the metaphysical, unconditional love and all things "whoo whoo". Told from the perspective an average dude and a majestic shaman. ;)
Holy Shit!! With Nate & Esha
Episode 28 - Personal Freedom & Filling Your Cup
In this episode, Nate & Esha discuss Personal Freedom and how that can show up differently for each of us. What is Personal Freedom to you? How do you express your Personal Freedom, or do you? Its absolutely VITAL that each us this explores this question inside ourselves. We dive into that topic and more!
Everybody, welcome to episode 28 of the Holy Shit with Nate and Esha podcast. Today we're going to be talking about personal freedom and what that looks like to different people. And uh kind of a near and dear topic to us today, as Esha and I were talking before the call. So we'll get into that here in a second. But Esha, how are you?
SPEAKER_00:I'm good. I I think like uh we were talking uh in the pre-show how um how I feel such uh changes happening as this year began, feeling a lot of inner churning um that's taking place. And uh I think it's a a good good way for us to kick off. Really, even we're still, I like to think we're still in the beginning of the year, as so many of us are um gazing inwardly as to uh what what we truly desire for ourselves and personal freedom has to be part of that, right?
SPEAKER_03:Right. And you know, we talked we talked a little bit about you know passion and fulfillment and that a couple episodes back, and you know, um, you know, one of the things that we talked about typically, you know, in that in that was focusing on what fills you up and like you know, focusing on the things that you want to do, and about how about how if you're not filling your own cup up, then it's impossible to be the best version of yourself for others. And this kind of comes into that realm as well. This what we're gonna talk about today is this personal freedom thing, because you know, I think, especially in the West, you know, you there's there's a there's a template that you're supposed to follow that society says is the you know, so you go to school, you get married, you have kids, and then you work until you retire, and then you wait to die, basically. It's pretty much the uh is the the the US template. And you know, when people um don't necessarily fall into that line, you know, they're they're definitely looked at like outsiders or different, but like um I think that there's a lot of there's a lot of perspectives that can be gained from going against the norm, you know. And um, you know, what we were talking about with your situation, and I'll let you I'll let you kind of table it a little bit more, but um I think as parents, you know, as spouses, um as just what how we're conditioned to love and care and uh take you know take care of other people in our lives, whether it be our parents or our grandparents or relatives or friends, we always feel a personal obligation to to be there for other people and and sometimes put our own freedoms or our own feelings last. And um I think what we're talking about today is like what's it look like sometimes if you're able to not do that? And how do we how do we how do we how do we explore that a little bit more?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, uh definitely. I I think um I don't know, I I think we get to a point in our life, like, and I think I'm at that point at 53, right? Where I'm looking at all of those things. I'm looking at, you know, what do I want now?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:What is bringing me deep fulfillment? And I love the work that I do with people in the healing process. And at the same time, there's a part of me that I think is crying out for just rest from doing anything and just taking an opportunity just for me, just to step back and say, you know what, I'd like to spend maybe a year of not serving or giving and just have this time for myself.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Um, you're serving and giving, but you're serving and giving to yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, exactly. And and and that's not selfish, right? Because I think if you are in the healing arts, um, there's a ton of energy that you output towards others. And this has been, you know, particularly the the last six years for me has been pretty intense time of my life, right? And and I've come out of that, uh, I don't know if we ever come out of the grief, but you know, I I entered into uh a grievance process after my husband died, and really it probably started even before my husband died, because my mom died two years before he passed away.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And so I think it just one grief rolled into the other. And as is my nature, whenever I'm going through something, I lean into it very deeply to see what what am I meant to learn, like what's coming up for me. And then I I I share the wisdom with others, right? And then I move into applying that by teaching it to others. That's pretty that's how it I've always worked. Um so this has been the path for me for the last six years in my own healing process. Um, what is the wisdom that I've learned um from my grieving journey? And now how can I disseminate this wisdom out to the general uh mass, right? Um and so it's been that energy, but I'm getting to a place now where I'm like, what would it be like to actually pause all of that and just say, okay, it's now time for a little rest. And I had a little taste of this when I went to Panama in 2022.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um where I, you know, I spent three months, uh, it was my little sabbatical. Um, and it was wonderful. Like I didn't have anyone to serve but myself.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And you know, I I didn't have to worry about my kids. I mean, you know, they're young adults now, um, or I didn't have to worry about a client per se. Um, and I could I could take walks, and I spent most of the time, honestly, just being still.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And in most cases, I know I think you were, I think you even spent some time silent too, right? Is that was that right?
SPEAKER_00:Well, yeah, I did. I spent, you know, I spent some time uh just being silent and not talking to anyone, um, just really being in nature, and it was so profound.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, and also challenging. It wasn't easy, you know. It's like I don't I don't want it to come off as, oh yeah, being still with yourself is easy. No, it's like it was a time when all of the stuff that I've avoided came up, like you know, things that I needed to look at came up, but that's the opportunity that is presented to you when you move into that type of state with yourself. You come closer to yourself, you're given an opportunity to accept the invitation to come closer to yourself.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um and it's wonderful, as as uncomfortable as as that can be, there's a sense of moving towards a greater intimacy, a greater knowing, a greater, oh, I I want to see who I've become. Because we really can't see who we're becoming when we're busy.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Um you know, there's this, there's what you just said there was interesting because you know, you're you're we're talking about this for real for real, like a possibility for you in the near future about possibly going down this path with maybe a more extended uh extended personal journey. But this isn't something that like I think other people can't relate with because they can, whether they're married or have kids or whatever. There are those moments throughout the day or the week or the year where you're like, if I could just take hit the pause button, yes, and go take uh you know, a month off from this situation, you know, you could come back completely recharge recharged, refocused, you know, still, however you want to. And that that has nothing to do with like being spiritual or not spiritual, it's just life just shit, you know, takes a takes a toll, you know. But what we're talking about is this is that it is that, but in those situations, you have life to live, like you have obligations, you have things that you have to do. Now, granted, there are the you know, the week vacation to the beach here or the trip to Disney World there, and you know, if you've got kids, it's you know, there it's never there, it's never a vacation, you just watch your kids in a different state, right?
SPEAKER_00:Especially going to Disney World.
SPEAKER_03:It's like that's we're not talking about those types of little getaways, we're talking about like really taking some time. And you know, what we're conditioned to here is about you know, our vacations, it's like just about long enough to where you're actually starting to let go of some stuff, it's time to come back, right? You know, and I guarantee you, I don't want to put any words in your mouth. We've never really talked about the specifics, but I'm sure it wasn't the first week that you had some of your major breakthroughs in Panama. It probably wasn't until the end of the first month.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, 100%.
SPEAKER_03:Right. So it's like we never let ourselves get past that buffer to start realizing how this new reality feels and like let ourselves get settled into it. Because it was probably very hard for you to to to go from you know a faster paced life to a slower-paced life and feel okay with it. It's like takes a couple weeks to get like, okay, this is my new norm. And um, but anyway, what I'm what I'm getting at is that what you're what we're talking about is that voice is talking to you saying it's time to do this, and you're looking around now saying, okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and there's a lot with that is you know, because I've got a 24 and a 22-year-old that lives at home.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, and you know, part of it is this thought process do I sell my home? Like, what do I do? Do I sell my home? Do I rent it out? Um, what are the options available to me in terms of going on this journey with myself? Um, part of it too is is this realization that I I don't need a whole lot, right? Like, how do I simplify life even more?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I mean, honestly, that's not just the you thing. I think I think like we are uh we all you gotta do is come look at my garage. It's like what what the hell? I don't need all of these things, you know? Yeah, um, I think I I talked to a lot of people recently, and it's it seems to be a more of a like the the materialism and the just stockpiling of things, I think is um a lot of us are starting to to wake up and say, I I I could use more clarity and less less clutter, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yeah, definitely. I mean a hundred percent. It's it's I think we're we're all on this shift away from um the hoarden. Yeah, you know, um, and you know, you you take a look. Sometimes I catch myself just standing in the middle of my house and I'm just looking around. You know, I've got bookcases, all these books, and you know, there's furniture, and and I'll just look at them like what where where did all these things come from? Right? And and why are they and why are they here? Like, I don't need this for my happiness. Why are they here? Why do I, you know, why do I even continue to buy anything? For what? Like, what is what is all of this stuff sat it satisfies nothing inside of me.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:I'm not saying that it's not nice to have beautiful things. I I love beautiful things, I love to be surrounded by beautiful things. Um, but it's still this this this deepening um feeling of I don't need these, I don't need these things because ultimately these things are not really what's the root of my happiness.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Your your your soul is not calling for you to go buy more things.
SPEAKER_00:No, no. I don't even like to go into malls. I avoid them, right? I don't even go into Target anymore. I only go into Target if it's essential.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Well, I mean, kind of staying on that on that topic, like with regard to this discussion and personal personal freedoms, like what what I mean, what is this that what is this inner discussion look like for you? I mean, like we talked about it a little bit in the pre-show, like um there, I think like sometimes there's this logical piece of our you know, 3D life that's always in the front, the forefront. And then you've got your your spiritual mind that's talking to you, and there's like this constant banter back and forth between them, and it's like today I feel more more in my body than yesterday. And sometimes this version of me is it takes the lead versus this. But you know, this this is a you know, uh, like I said, I've known you now for goddly, what's it been? Almost has it been it's been four four years.
SPEAKER_00:Four years, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Almost four, yeah, four over the four years. And um I've never seen you more moved and like um like visibly like I don't know, uh invested in the emotion around this type of a decision, you know? Um, and I can tell. So what is this discussion inside you? What does it sound like?
SPEAKER_00:I mean, it's it's it's a lot of different things, right? I think about my kids. I know ultimately if I decide to take off and let's say I decide to go to India for like six months or a year or whatever, you know, I I know they'll be fine. But it's also, you know, um the mother in me is like, oh, you know, are they gonna be okay? What are they, you know? Um, and that's that's part of I think just a natural mother and thing. But I also know that I also have to give them the space to figure things out for themselves too, right? Like this is how they're going to grow as well. Um, and so some of the conversation that's going on inside of me right now is really, you know, uh I'm in a deep state of listening right now because I'm not the type to just make rash decisions either.
SPEAKER_01:Sure.
SPEAKER_00:Um, so I'm listening very intently um to the feeling that I uh that's coming. And usually for me, how I make these decisions is if the feeling stays with me um consistently and it doesn't leave me, then I'll know that okay, this is I'm really being called into this. It's not going anywhere. If it's fleet fleeting and it comes, goes, comes, goes, then I'm like, okay, that's that's that's my ego or something.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, but it has been pretty consistent and it seems to only be building. That's when I know that it's it's like, ah, okay.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you you hinted at something like this even two years ago. And I think I think the Panama trip was probably your dipping the toe into the water.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think you're right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I think you're right. I think that that that first sort of taste of it in uh two years ago was just the beginning um for me. Um so yeah, so I'm just in conversation with myself in terms of figuring out what it looks like. Do I sell the house? Do I rent it? Um what does life look like from there? Um But there's also a level of of excitement um about what it what would it feel like to have no material attachments.
SPEAKER_03:Right. I mean, when we were talking before, I mean you you were straight up saying like I I was gonna get rid of it all.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm like, I just want to get rid of it all.
SPEAKER_03:Right. So I mean, uh if you're a listener, just think I mean most of everybody that listens to this podcast, we're all in you know different scenarios and times in our lives and relationships and all of the things, but like ego and like attachment aside, and like but just think about the freedom that you would be able to have if you didn't have a mortgage payment or a house to keep up or people to take care of or things to worry about buying or bills to pay or and you know that's really what you're talking about. I mean, you're yeah, you're gonna have to feed yourself, and yeah, you're gonna probably have to have a place to stay, but like it's a much more dynamic and fluid type lifestyle than saying, okay, I'm going to plant my you know house here for the next 22 years. You know what I mean? Like it's a much more freedom-based lifestyle than security-based lifestyle.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And I want to add another caveat to this as well. Um, and it's it's a vulnerable one for me, um, but I feel like I have to talk about it too. Um, so for the first time since my husband died, I've met someone. And someone that I really like, uh, someone who is who's really amazing. Um and I find it interesting that and and so far it's it's still a fairly new um relationship. Um but it's it's everything that I have been looking for in a next person.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And um and I find it very interesting that this person's come into my life and now I'm like, yeah, it's time to take off. Right. But it's it's but it's almost like the the epitome of all of the spiritual stuff that I've spoken about. It's like, oh well, can you still do that without being attached to that? Like talking about attachment, right? Um can I be willing to let go of all of it? It's not, you know, and so that's also a very vulnerable space that that I'm in right now. It's like, you know, and it reminds me of situations I've been in the past where I have made this the decision to stay in certain experiences, not for myself, but because I didn't want to disappoint someone else.
SPEAKER_03:Right right. Well, I mean, I think that's a lot of us do that. I would almost say that the majority of us do that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. And so here it is, it's like, yeah, it's like that's there. But it doesn't mean it's it's almost like, yeah, I'm choosing me.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:You know, if the relationship is strong enough to hold space for, you know, me taking off for six months or whatever time frame that is, then it'll and if it's meant to be, it'll still be there.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:You know, um, so you might come back a little different. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Which is, I mean, I'm sure is gonna be a a much more freer, fulfilled different than than, you know, the before version.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly.
SPEAKER_03:Which is the whole point.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it is the whole point, you know. So again, you know, these are these are things that I think all of us at some point, whether sometimes it's a secret, uh, you know, a secret desire.
SPEAKER_03:If you're sitting, if you're sitting there listening to this podcast and you say that you've never thought about just getting away by yourself for a couple weeks to a month to a year, then you're lying.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. We all have that desire. It's so natural for us to just it's it's like feeling the unburden and uh releasing the hooks that we have to this day-to-day drudgery that we feel, you know, that we have to show up and do and perform and you know, all of these things, and it just to feel, even if you can, you know, visualize it, what would it be like to have no attachments? What would it feel like to have that ultimate personal freedom? And some people might say, you know what, well, you know, that's a lonely existence.
SPEAKER_01:Sure.
SPEAKER_00:But it doesn't mean that you're not you're not still interacting with people, you're not going off into a cave in the Himalayas and just being by yourself. This is not what this is about.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but it's simple, simply and what it is though, but what it is though, I mean, it's it's saying it is saying that it's not saying that you don't value other people's time, attention, and community. But it is saying that I don't necessarily have to have that for me to be happy.
SPEAKER_00:That's it. That's it.
SPEAKER_03:Which is the point of all of this.
SPEAKER_00:That's that's absolutely it.
SPEAKER_03:Right? You know, so it's like it's it's got nothing to do with your with your valuing and understanding and and acknowledging that those things are awesome.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_03:That's part of being a human, and part of a beautiful thing about being a human is uh interactions with others, but true like peace and happiness and contentment and bliss comes from no one other than yourself and within. And you know the point is is that some of the most some of the most um I mean, I guess, achieved um uh heralded, you know, spiritual leaders out there, um it has their their their growth and development had nothing to do with you know their opinions of other people and the how how other people felt, you know, it was all inside.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:So completely.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean we talked about Ram Das the other day, right? And his journey, right, and and where he landed within him, within himself, you know, even as he was close to dying, right?
SPEAKER_03:Right, and that's not to say that like the message and the impact that these folks made wasn't because of other people, but the the whole thing is that and the the cool thing about these things are is that the impact is not their point. They're making an impact because they are going inward, and other people are like, oh shit, that's awesome. Like it's not ego, it's not ego driven, they're not doing it because they want it to spread and and people to be heard and think, oh wow, look at that guy. They're doing it to get away from that, and that's just a natural occurrence because people are like, Wow, this is so different than everything else. I want that.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And that's why they they they are magnets and people are attracted to them, right? Right. And that's when you find a real guru, right? Is when they're going through their own processing. Um, and people see there's something different about this person, they have a level of peace that I don't have. How can I get that?
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And now all of a sudden people are drawn to them, and all of a sudden they become a teacher, but they didn't set out to be a teacher or guru, right? Right, you know, and so if you're always if you're looking for a true guru, never go to a self-proclaimed guru, like, oh yes, I'm a guru, come and see me.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Uh true gurus are not, they don't become gurus on their own volition. Other people make them a guru.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And there's a lot of those, those lot of those fake ones out there.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I mean, a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_03:And I'm not questioning that, I'm not questioning their own belief in their self. I'm sure that they believe that they actually are that good, but but that's not that that's the that's the whole point, is that like if they think that, then that's all that's ego. That's not right, that's not that's not enlightenment.
SPEAKER_00:Um and and I think the question we also have to ask is um so obviously personal freedom is gonna look different for each of us, right? And so I think we have to define for ourselves what does personal freedom look like.
SPEAKER_03:That's true. And and I also wanted to say here, like, you know, listen, 99.9% of the listeners of this podcast, they're not gonna be able to drop everything and say, let's go to India for a year, or I'm gonna go to India for a year, or whatever, right? So it's not this the purpose of this podcast is not to say, um, hey, you should think about going to India for a year. That's not the point. What I'm saying is that your personal freedom and the acknowledgement of that inner voice saying that you need some time to prioritize yourself, it doesn't have to look like a year in India or whatever this road leads for Esha. It can look like maybe I just need to take a weekend away by myself. The kids can stay with my husband. Um, I'm just gonna go by myself and sit in a cabin in Gatlinburg for uh two days and just be be quiet. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And and you may feel guilty as a mother about wanting to do that. Yes, you know what, or maybe I'm maybe I'm a dad, and it's like, dude, I I really just want to go grab my my backpack and my tent and I'm gonna go camp in the woods for a weekend by myself, you know, or maybe with me and a me and a friend, I don't care, whatever it is, um, and and and not feel guilty about that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Because go ahead.
SPEAKER_00:No, no, no, no. Finish your thoughts.
SPEAKER_03:I was just gonna say that if you're getting to the point of where you're hearing yourself, your inner voice say that you need those things, it's because you do. Right? And what we get into a situation is when we get depressed or we feel anxiety or we start to get down. It's just literally, I keep using this analogy. You have a cup and it only gets filled when you fill it up. And you're pouring it to your kids, you're pouring it to your spouse, you're pouring it to your job, you're pouring it out, out, out, out, out. You have to fill the damn cup back up every so often.
SPEAKER_00:Yep.
SPEAKER_03:Think so the question is if you're listening to this podcast right now, just take a step, take a second, think about it. What are the things that fill my cup that are for me?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Just seeing your kids' dance recital filled you up. Yes, you know what that's that's that, but that's not what I'm talking about. What are the things that you do for yourself that fill your cup out and that I don't rely on anyone else? Right. You know, are you doing any of those things? Um, and what I'm saying is that if you're not doing those things, here's my opinion that is way more selfish, way more selfish because you are not showing up, you're not taking the initiative to show up as the best version of yourself for other people. That's selfish. So if it's talking about taking a weekend away to go fill my cup halfway back up, so I've got a little bit more to show up as a better and a better, more present, happier, more content version for my kids and my spouse and the people around me, that's not selfish at all to me. That's that that's to me, that's an obligation. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And wouldn't it be nice? I was gonna say, wouldn't it be nice if those of us in relationships had the freedom to have these conversations with our significant others and to give, you know, I'm gonna use the word permission, yeah, you know, um, but to say, hey, what do you need right now? You know, uh are you fulfilled? Like to even just have a conversation around that and say an intimate, vulnerable conversation with each other and just to do a check-in, hey, are you fulfilled here?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Right? And if the if if the answer is no, it's like, well, what do you feel is missing for you? Oh, I'm I'm tired. I've been doing, I've just been doing. You know, do you need some time off? Do you need a uh a week? A week. I mean, and I and I think we we don't ask those questions because we don't want to know the truth of the answer. Yeah, right? We're we're we're afraid, well, that person may not want me anymore.
SPEAKER_03:There are those questions that you can't come back from that we've talked about.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, but but honestly, that the the answers to those questions are what makes a relationship like actually real.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yes, because now you've entered into the stream of intimacy with each other and vulnerability with each other. Now this relationship has gotten real. And then you could also look at your level of attachment that you have.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, you know, am I so attached to this person that I can't give them freedom to be, yeah, to go off for a weekend or a week or whatever they may need. And this is solely about me getting my needs met and my partner not getting their needs met.
SPEAKER_03:Well, listen, I mean, and I didn't make this connection until just now, but like the only reason we know each other is because I made the decision to have a little bit of personal freedom.
SPEAKER_00:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:Because I I I came to my wife and I said, I'm I'm my cup is empty. Like that was it, that was the discussion. My cup is empty. And I right now I'm so fucked up that I don't even know how to fill it back up. I don't have anything in my life other than you guys that I that I do that fills my cup up. Nothing. And that's messed up. You know what I mean? And I did, I just kept denying it. You know what I mean? So I was like, I'm gonna go do the work and try to figure out like what it is that fills me up so I can be a better husband and father. And that that that took a decision of saying, I need a little bit of personal freedom here to go for what four days, five days, whatever it was, you know, the trip long, you know, and I'm sorry that you're gonna have to watch our girls by yourself for that time. But she was like, no big deal. Like, if you've if like this is what you need, go do it. And and she knows, she knows right now, and I'm getting ready to have a little another trip coming up here in a couple weeks, and I'm gonna swing by and see you. But about once every six, seven months, I've gotta have I need I need four or five days, you know. Yep, and that's not that I need complete like non-contact, I'll I'm gonna talk to you two or three times that day on the phone or whatever, but like just to where there is nobody else I'm having to make decisions around but myself, and you know, whether or not I sleep in this hotel or I eat lunch at this place or I just keep driving through the night, right? No one has a say in that other than me, you know. Um, so anyway, it doesn't have to be trips to India, it can be no, it's so healthy though.
SPEAKER_00:This is one of the healthiest things that you can do for yourself and for your relationship, right? Like if you really want to know what your relationship is built on, have this conversation, right? Right, you'll see the truth.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. I mean, it I mean it it and don't get me wrong, there has been a lot of stuff that's happened, you know, in my personal growth that has made these conversations a lot more palatable um for our relationship. You know, if I had tried to have these conversations early on, you know, they might not have gone as well. But but what it was was my ability to articulate my personal feelings and needs and kind of tell her why I need these things and and then land in a way where she's like, oh yeah, I totally get that. Instead of just saying, you know what, you guys are stressing me out. I need to get out of here for a weekend. You know, that's that's not necessarily that's like the delivery is important. That's only like five percent of the story.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right, yeah, yeah. How you deliver the need is important, yeah. Right? Um, so let's not get it twisted. Um, you know, I think most of our partners want what's best for us. Um, and you know, if they're mature enough, uh they will not take it personal.
SPEAKER_03:And and on the same token, I also try to reciprocate. Um my wife is super independent and she never asks for anything. And I wish that she would, but I like frequently, time to time, I I came up, you know, I I could tell she's having like a rough day, like the girls have gotten on her nerves, whatever. I'm like, hey, you just want to like I'll watch the girls this weekend. Do you just want to like go go do your thing, like go rent an Airbnb somewhere and just like do like be by yourself? Yeah, I'm I might I might I might do that, you know.
SPEAKER_00:She never does it, but like, but I you know You're gonna have to talk to her some more.
SPEAKER_03:I'm I'm trying to, I'm trying to get her to do that, right? I'm trying, I'm trying her because I it's different for mothers too, I think, especially when you've got kids. Like I have an eight-year-old and a three-year-old. She's like, that that that personal guilt level of like leaving leaving your kids because I need to fill my cup up. Um, it's tougher for mothers, I think, than it is for fathers. So I'm just trying to give her the ability to, you know, and the support to say if she wants it, she's if she if she wants it, it's there, which I think is a major portion of that discussion.
SPEAKER_00:You know, I just heard, I was just listening, and and for our female listeners here, um, I was listening to a little uh video soundbite from uh Dr. Gabor Maite, and he was talking about how 80% of people who suffer from autoimmune diseases are women.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00:And he said, mm-hmm. And he said that he never made the connection, but as he started to research it more, he's like, mothers and women tend to be they give to everyone, they pour out everything that they have, and they're not pouring any of that back into themselves. And so if you're a woman and you're listening to this to this uh podcast, know that you have every right to pause and say, you know what, I need some me time. And it's okay not to feel guilty about that because when you go and fill yourself up, you're coming back a better individual, a healthier individual for your family. Right. But to keep pouring out and out and out to depletion till you're on empty serves no one, least of all your health. Right? And and there's nothing worse when your health has hit a catastrophic low and you can't even show up for your family, period.
SPEAKER_03:Well, there's something that happens too, and I I want to talk about this is quickly because I know we're gonna run out of time in a second, but it once you run out of your own cup, you can get to the point where not only are you not helping fill others' cups, but you're also depleting others. You know what I mean? I I've seen that where like you're so drained and you're not doing any any anything for yourself, whatever, that that not only are you empty and dry, but like the only thing that's getting you by is depleting the cups of others. You know, you've seen those, you call it we want to call them energy vampires or whatever you want to call them, but they're out there, and you can walk into a room and who is this I saw this day? Like, you can either be a fountain or a drain, right? You can be the person that is full of energy, that's full of life, that's full of love, and is the fountain to everyone else, or you can be the drain. And you there's no way possible that you can be a fountain on an empty cup. There's no way possible.
SPEAKER_00:No, no, not at all. And so, you know, going back to this idea of personal freedom, you know, if you're listening to this, ask yourself this question what does personal freedom mean to me? And am I fulfilled?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And if I'm not fulfilled, what are some things that I can do to begin to explore that? What does personal, what would personal freedom look like for me within the confines of my life that I have? And and like, you know, we're saying it doesn't mean that you go off to Timbuktu or, you know, anywhere, but how can you incorporate greater personal freedom into the life that you have now?
SPEAKER_03:Sure. I mean, I'm thinking about situations where maybe it's like, you know, two nights a week, three nights a week, mommy's gonna shut the door for an hour and a half and you're gonna read, and no one's gonna bother me. And that's just it. You can sit outside the door and scream all you want, but you're not getting in the room because I need my personal time, right? Like whatever that is, you know, um, uh, it could be a lot of different things, you know. You know, dad, dad plays pickleball on Saturdays by himself. It just is what it is, you know. There's a lot of different things that you can do to kind of fill that cup up. It doesn't have to be these excursions, and uh, you know, maybe um, you know, a nice week-long four or five days excursion every so often is uh is the way to go. But maybe for you it's maybe I do something for myself every day. Something small.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, something small. Start off small. I always like the idea of starting off small and and and integrating that into the daily life.
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:And then as time goes on, you know, maybe you expand out a little bit more uh as you get comfortable because it might not feel comfortable in the beginning, taking time for you.
SPEAKER_03:Right, which is sad. And if if it doesn't feel comfortable that way, then you know you need to start doing this more often. You know, absolutely being with yourself and spending time on yourself should not feel uncomfortable. It should feel like the most comfortable thing possible.
SPEAKER_00:And I really want to encourage our listeners who are in relationships to you know go a little deeper with each other, have this conversation, ask the tough questions of each other, um, see what the relationship is built on. And you just might get closer, even close. You could have been in a relationship for 20 years and your level of intimacy grows deeper by moving into um this line of questioning.
SPEAKER_03:I think it will. I think I think it absolutely is. And and if unfortunately, if it doesn't, then that that's a whole other thing to unpack in another show.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, help free each other. That's what that's what the message that I want to end here with is help to free each other. Don't don't create bondage for each other, create freedom for each other.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that's good. I like that. All right, guys. Personal freedom, fill in your cup. It's different for everybody, but please uh discover look into yourself and find out what that is for you. And we're gonna we're gonna end it there. Uh Elsa uh Elsa. Your name's not Elsa.
SPEAKER_00:Not today, maybe tomorrow. Who knows? Who knows? I might change my name tomorrow to Elsa.
SPEAKER_03:Do you have anything else to add?
SPEAKER_00:Uh I am so complete. Thank you. Thank you guys.
SPEAKER_03:Thanks, guys. Talk to y'all later.
SPEAKER_00:Bye.