Holy Shit!! With Nate & Esha
A beginners guide to spiritual awakening, the metaphysical, unconditional love and all things "whoo whoo". Told from the perspective an average dude and a majestic shaman. ;)
Holy Shit!! With Nate & Esha
Episode 29 -Being Somebody Vs. Becoming Nobody & The Middle Way
After taking roughly 6 months off, Nate & Esha return with updates from their own spiritual journeys and personal lives since the last episode. They also dive into the journey to " Becoming Nobody", aka the release of the ego and return to oneness and how that topic specifically pertains to what Esha is going through in her life at the current moment. Enjoy!!
Hey everyone, welcome to episode 29 of the Holy Shit with Nate and Esha podcast. Man, it's been a while since our last episode. Um, welcome, Esha.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you, Nate. It has been a while.
SPEAKER_00:We were just sitting here talking prior to show. So, so the last episode we did was on February the 29th, 24. And I think that uh, you know, we'll get into it in a second, but man, how much has happened in the last seven and a half months. Um, actually, 29th of May, it might that might as well have been February March. So it's been basically six months, six and a half months.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, yeah, I mean, I think what we did um when we first started this podcast, we made a promise to each other that if this ever became a chore or a lift, then we were just gonna take a pause. Um, and I think that not it wasn't necessarily a heavy lift, but I think that we had so much going on that we were just like constantly having to move things around and change, and we were just like hey, let's just let's just take a pause for a little bit and and um and just be, and then we can come back with some better stuff once we've had you know had some different perspectives and stuff. So um I would say that um in terms of life um path changes and different things going on, you've probably had the most eventful not only six months, but probably the last six weeks than anybody um I can remember in a while. So uh before we get into our actual topic of discussion today, which this kind of leads into that, you want to kind of fill everybody in on what's been going on with you over the last little bit?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, hello everyone. It's so good to be back. And like Nate said, you know, sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to take pauses in life and not feel like, you know, you have to uh do something, um, especially when there's so much other things that you need to make space for. So the break has been really, really good and really happy to see your beautiful face and to to be with our listeners. Um, but yeah, it's it's amazing what can happen in six months, right? It's like a whole, it's a whole eternity and so much has happened in my life. Um you know, early on in the year I had a lot brewing in me um for some changes to make. And um I took some time really thinking about um the consequence of those changes and and how it would shift my life. And um, and but I went ahead and did it anyway because it's it's what's been calling to me. And so about six weeks ago, um I sold my house and got rid of mostly uh everything. Um I've never done anything like that, uproot myself uh in such a way and um help my kids uh to find an apartment. So they're sharing an apartment now. Um and so I I don't have necessarily my own space. I've never had not have that. So um it feels really weird, sort of like being this free spirit wanderer moving from one space to the next, staying with friends. Um and uh and I'm feeling that very physically. I'm feeling all of this newness, this change very physically in my physical body, um, which is very interesting to observe and to watch. Um and then the other new pieces is that I also met a soulmate in May. And um and I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much. Um, and it's been an amazing journey. Um, and so I'm going and I'm currently in Vermont, where he is. So I've been spending some of my time here in Vermont and going back to uh Charlotte, um, at least for this this last half of the year. Um, so that's sort of going to be my uh my journey until I do some international travels next year. So yeah, it's been it's been insane and crazy and wonderful and messy and uh sad and you know, it's like everything mixed up into just one big um life. Yeah, it's it's it's all life. Um and I'm learning how to um navigate new spaces, yeah, particularly new spaces uh within myself and learning how to trust, you know, like I don't know what next month, next week, I don't know what any of it will look like.
SPEAKER_00:And that is that is such the anti-Western way of doing things. You know, I I don't remember who told me this and or I said this, but it said that you know, we in the West are we're addicted to prediction, you know, and we are we we have to be able to predict what's going to happen tomorrow, an hour from now, next year. And if we can't, it's it causes anxiety. And and honestly, that's that's that's crazy because you have you are the epitome right now of unattached from the materialistic perspective. Um, and it is it is such to me, I am so happy for you. Um, you know, you are in a position to where you've are able to do this, and the the courage and the dedication and the just commitment to living life how you want on your own terms, I I commend you for it because I think that there are a lot of people out there that wish they could be as bold um as you are being at the moment, but I just have never done it. So um I'm I'm super proud of you. And I know you're it's I know it's kind of like you're in the middle of it and it's kind of scary, and you're like, what the hell did I do? And I know, but but I mean, I really think uh, you know, if I can, you know, foreshadow here, uh I think that you know, when we look back at this, when we're doing this podcast 10 years from now or whatever, uh, that this is gonna be one of those, this is gonna be one of those like pivotal, you know, moments in like your journey. Um you know, like if you go through and you look at your life in in the chronological order, like the the the major linchpin moments, like this is gonna be one of them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I would have to agree with that. And you know, there's something that you said, it's like when you're on the wheel, it it's it's almost as if you're just you're glued in, you wake up, you repeat, rinse, and repeat daily, and this doing, and we don't even realize like how much doing we're actually doing, and so it's taken my mind a while to even register that I'm not on the wheel anymore, right? Right, and and I've you break the conditioning to break the condition, right? So I'm still in that process, and I've caught myself a couple of times, especially in the first three weeks, where I'm like, Oh, what should I do? What can I plan? Right, like maybe I can do a workshop here or there.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And then I caught myself, I'm like, what are you doing?
SPEAKER_00:You're finding something to be to to make yourself worthy.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. And so I was like, uh, yeah. So I was like, oh, this is interesting. Look at me trying to find something to do, right? To to continue with this identity that I have. And um, and when I realized it, I just I shut it down, of course. I was like, yeah, it's like my brain, my nervous system haven't caught up to the fact that I'm off the wheel. And then my acupuncturist confirmed that she's like, Yeah, it takes a while for the rest of you to catch up. She's like, it doesn't happen right away, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, and I I you are we've talked about this before. Um, you're the most self-aware person that I've ever met in terms of how you can identify basically how your body is feeling about certain things and how certain energetic things are showing up in your body and whatnot. And um the fact that you know, we were talking about this pre-show about how the literal the literal weight of the responsibilities and the expectations and the attachments that come with being a homeowner, being um a mother in the same city that has a house of your children, uh all of these things that like there's expectations, holidays, uh paying the bills, you know, let's got I gotta keep the grass, like all of these things that like when you are able to unplug from that, it's just like holy shit, I have like so much more capacity for other things that matter, and instead of the thing, and not saying that like not finding time for your daughters to come over to your house, I'm not saying that it doesn't matter, but you get what I'm saying in terms of the whole scheme of the weight of and and and you to your point, when you're on the wheel and you're conditioned to that being the norm, you don't even have pres you it's you don't even possess the awareness to recognize those things because it's just the way it just didn't.
SPEAKER_01:That's right, it's right, exactly. It's it's just it's just what you do. It's you know, it's again, it's it's being in this matrix. And um for for such you know, you talk about self-awareness, like those first couple of weeks, I had a lot of belly um issues that came up, right? And I'm like, oh my god, why is my why is my belly feeling this way, right? It stuff that I've never felt before. Um, and you know, of course it made me concerned. I'm like, but then I realized it's my my system is trying to digest all of these shifts that are happening, right? And so it and not taking it for granted, it's a big shift. Um, and then the holding, like, you know, being a single mom with two young adult children and having to hold everything, I didn't realize how much weight that was for me. It it and how heavy it all felt for me. And when I'm when you're in that space, you just do it because you have to do it, right? But after it was done and paying off all bills, all debt, um, that was like another shot of freedom. I was like, yeah, this feels really good. Um, but that the heaviness of it all was was really quite remarkable to really feel. And I know that is still being shed from my own body. Um, and that's gonna take a while too. And um, so there's all of these things, right, that we go through when we decide to take a leap of faith into the unknown. And and so much of this is about trust, right? Yeah, just trusting into into the unknown uh and and trust in myself and trust in my body and reorganize and even my ego in a way to so my ego doesn't get a connection and think, oh my god, what are we gonna do next? What are we gonna do next? Right, because it's that thing, it's like, what am I gonna do next? I don't know. And it's okay that I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So just get in that aspect of me to settle down and to relax, to to know that it's okay to be just in a space where you can now fill yourself up with meaningful things that you want to do, not because you have to do them.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, you know, I just I'm sitting here thinking, and I don't know why this thought came to me. But you know, obviously you and I both are in a unique position sometimes to have these conversations and to be able to speak with each other about alternative perspectives on life and different things, but you know, and I I I you know I keep talking about you know West versus East perspectives, but uh essentially what you did intentionally was almost create the American nightmare on purpose, right? To be to to lose everything, yeah. And you did it intentionally, um, it very thoughtfully. And while it seems to probably some, probably not our listeners, but for some out there, you know, that would be like, What do you what do you what do you mean you you you you just you sold everything? You don't you don't you don't you don't have a house? I mean by by by definition at the moment you are homeless. Um, you know, and so and um but but you're at complete peace with that. And it is it, I mean, and and there's some some real beauty into I mean uh there's nothing more than you're just throwing a middle finger up to societal standards and saying, no thanks. I'm gonna do I'm gonna do this on my own terms. Yeah and um it's a beautiful thing. And and I know that um, you know, you didn't really get into it, and I'll I'll let you get into it if you want, but you know, there's there is a lot, I think, on the horizon for you in the in the upcoming months and and year in terms of international travel and some and some pilgrimages that I'm sure that you're looking forward to taking. And and and ridding yourself of the responsibility of maintaining, upkeeping, and worrying about a property. And um, it it's going to make your ability to be present and really in the moment during these held now and and future in future instances like tenfold, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, I I absolutely agree with that. Um, you know, I I want to be curious to see who who I become, right? Like without having all this stuff, without having an identity and um of this or that. Um, but just to be, it's it's uh uh again, it's not something I've ever done before. And and even when I go back to Charlotte and and I visit my kids and I go into their apartment and I see that they haven't really unpacked anything, the mom in me wants to come out and start doing stuff and putting away things. And then I I catch myself and I'm like, what are you doing? Right, this is no longer your space, it's their space. Let them do it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then I just sit down amongst all of the mess and chaos, and I'm like, yeah, I'm okay with this. This is no longer for me to do.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Now they've asked for help and say, hey, mom, you know, can you help us? That's one thing, but I'm no longer gonna go in and just feel that I have to. And then it's been so wonderful having friends who have just opened up their homes for for me to come and stay whenever I come back in town. And that's been wonderful. So it's um again, it's trust in uh in a whole new way of being and living, uh, trust in my body to do this this work, um, my soul, and and I look forward to seeing you know what happens, you know. I'm I'm planning on heading back home to my home country, my country of origin in February. Um, so I'll be there for a month and I'm gonna go visit my in-laws in Trinidad and Tobago. Um, because the two countries are very close to each other. And for the first time in seven years, I'll go visit my husband's tomb.
SPEAKER_00:Um, is he is he he's he's uh in Trinidad, Tobago is where he laid to rest?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, yes, yes. Um, you know, it's where he died, so it made uh just perfect sense to to bury him there. I think his soul, he loved his country, and yeah, his soul I think knew where he wanted to rent rest.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um I don't I didn't realize that. That's I didn't realize that. That's cool. And and and um for those listeners that don't recall, your your home country is Ghana, right? Guyana, Guyana, Guyana, right there, uh South America, right?
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, I mean yeah, so lots of lots of cool things on on the horizon. Um, some of it will be bittersweet. Um, you know, it's been seven years since he passed away, and right, um, you know, and essentially it it all takes time because you know, seven years is where now I feel okay, I I'm ready to make this shift, I'm ready to do me, right? Uh trusting and even putting trust in my children that they're gonna figure it out because they're adults and they now have to figure it out, you know. And I felt like I was also had a lot of um heaviness, also feeling like I've had to hold them up as well.
SPEAKER_00:Well, of course, right?
SPEAKER_01:And so I'm like, I was like, no, I have to let that go, and I have to allow them to find their way. I mean, I'll always be there in a supportive way with them, but I could no longer allow myself to do what I was doing before. Um, yeah, it just wasn't it it doesn't work, and so many parents are doing that.
SPEAKER_00:Um they're doing it not and not to say that they don't love their kids, I'm not saying that or they don't want to be around their kids, but a lot of parents they use their kids as the scapegoat to not do those things that you that you've got and done because they're scared or whatever of of the of of the the unknown is they'll say, Well, I gotta be close to my kids, you know what I mean? But it deep inside their soul is screaming like go on an adventure, take the chance, do the thing that you've not done for the past 25 years. Um and you know, and yes, these labels and these roles that we play, parent, you know, husband, wife, whatever, um they are part of this game that we're here to play, but they are not the sole purpose of why we're here, you know? Right. Um, and you know, with that being said, I want to talk about kind of segue into um, you know, our our topic of discussion really for today. And and um I as our listeners can recall, I'm sure my obsession with with Ram Das and his teachings, and um I was uh my go-to Ram Doss download session is when I'm mowing the grass. Um and I was cutting my grass yesterday, and um I was listening to Ram Doss, and I it was a it was a it was a uh a speech from 1979. And uh he was talking to a group of people and um he was talking about um you know what our purpose is of being here and and and the whole point of life, and you know, he guess he's pretty he's pretty well um ingrained in the the you know mysticism, so the blending of several different uh aspects of religion for those that that that aren't familiar with that, mostly Christianity, um Hinduism and Buddhism, you know, kind of together, Taoism even, uh, and kind of making the aspects of those kind of paint a one picture rather than keeping them in like five separate boxes. And um, you know, he said something that um a lot of people this wasn't a knock to those that chose this path, but you know, the in in in terms of like holy men or you know, holy women or are those that we consider um, you know, really um how do you say a um devout or really dedicated in life to a practice. Um let's you know those those those yogis that break out when they're nine, ten years old and and then go live in the Himalayas and they meditate for 50 years, yeah, which is admirable and honorable, and it's it's necessary. But what he's saying is he thinks that that's not necessarily the the game. He's what he said in quote was he really thinks the game is to become somebody before you become nobody, and so I want to really dissect that. So become somebody before you become nobody. So and and and and that's a perfect segue into our topic of discussion because with all due respect to your roles and your labels, you are in the process of becoming nobody right now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we all are.
SPEAKER_00:We all are, we all are, but you're doing uh you're doing a very you're your your it's very visual, it's very visible right now, your process. Um the stripping of the labels and the the the stripping of the materialistic things and the and and the roles. Um and what his point is is to kind of circle back to the sadhu is is that that's great. I I mean totally, totally, but when you when you and and I'm I'm using air quotes, when you never become somebody in sense of like people rely on you, you have responsibilities. You you never become somebody in the sense of the stereotypical like um definition of like you have things and responsibilities and things to do, and people, all of these things, right? Um, it's easier to walk that path. Oh, yes, it's so much easier to live in you know the awakened life when you're not when you don't have to worry about other people, when you don't have to worry about bills to pay, when you don't have to worry about a job, when you don't have to worry about kids, when you don't have to worry about insert whatever else that's there. Um, and it's not a cop out by choosing that path. It's just saying what's what what Ramdas is saying is is that there's always this middle way in the Buddhist art, right? It's this, it's this and it's always the it's always the thing and the other. It's never it's the yin-yang. It's it's never black and white, it's the it's the middle way, it's that that yin yang. And what he's saying is is that yes, have the labels, be the mom, be the dad, be the boss, be the teacher, be whatever, but just be unattached to that. So we we we came here, uh our souls came here to this plane to experience this reality so we can expand our consciousness in a way that is uh you're unable to do in any other plane of consciousness. This is grad school, right? And if you're gonna come in here, if you're gonna come here and and be in grad school, then go to fucking class.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, experience the heaviness, experience the responsibilities and learn how to navigate those responsibilities. So when you get to the point of where you're understanding and you're and and and you've whatever you want to say, you've you're starting to understand the syllabus here, and you're really starting to understand the game, then you can start to strip it down.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yeah, yeah. That's well said. Um, I I think you know the sadhs have uh and people who decide to a hundred percent give their lives to their spiritual journey and go into caves, right? Yes, it's it's fantastic, but do that while you're fully in life as well, right? And the middle way is so powerful because it's teaching us everything, it's like being experiencing the full duality of life, yes. Um, and at the same time, you're learning how not to in time you begin to realize that the duality actually isn't even real, right? And so you end up coming to non-duality in time, you don't get there right away because you have to give yourself permission to go through all of it, all of what life is here to to teach you and to for you to to to master. Because whether we realize it or not, we're actually in school, right? This this grad school, PhD school, we're becoming masters.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:And um, and so we're learning how to hold all of what we are experiencing, and the whole idea is like, can I give myself permission to experience this and that? It's like the full polarity. We're here to experience the polarity of things, not to escape the polarity of things or have an aversion to those things, but to fully see what does this feel like? What does sadness and grief feel like? And what does uh uh great love feel like? Yeah, right. And then, but you're also not having, you're also learning not to have an attachment to one or the other.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, he he he he had a great quote that kind of ties this into so like there's you know, Maharaji has been quoted several times saying that you know everything is perfect and and and and by design, and that there was a discussion between Ram Das and Maharaji. So for those unfamiliar, Maharaji was um uh Ram Das's guru, um, this Indian um unbelievable um I don't want saint, I don't even what you would call him, holy man, um Christ consciousness level being. Um and he said that the time this was in the early 70s, there was a lot of famine and um death going on in a neighboring villages, and Ram Das had a lot of weight on his shoulders about you know, why are we just sitting here and knowing got going over to help these people or doing whatever? And or I think the question was was if if everything is perfect, how can how can this be happening? How can this be happening, right? And and and um Maharaji's statement was everything is perfect by design, we just don't possess the perspective um to be able to understand and see it. It's like it's like being having the if you remember the old paintings in the 90s where like if you if you were really close up to it, like you couldn't really see it, but as you if you went close and slowly backed away, like the things started to kind of appear. And that's it, and I and I've used this analogy before, I don't want to be redundant, but it's like it's the if you were uh an ant in an anthill, and all of a sudden this the little a little boy riding his bicycle runs over it, all hell and chaos is breaking loose in the anthill, right? But when you actually step away, there's this beautiful moment of a child riding his bicycle or whatever, right? Like it's and we don't even possess like what the we don't even possess the ability to understand everything that's going on. And and and furthermore, to kind of drive this home to the middle way aspect here, what Ramdas was saying in this speech yesterday was as he reflected on the everything is perfect aspect, you can't just you can't just when you see a a tragedy or a horrific event, let's just let's just talk about the you know horrible aspects of this hurricane, all the events going on right now in North Carolina, um, Western North Carolina, eastern Tennessee. And as we are prepping for another hurricane to hit uh Florida right now, it's like all of this is like why, why, why? You can't just you can't just cop out and say, well, everything's perfect. You can't do that, even though we our soul can have the perspective and say that and somewhere and somewhere in some in some level of um reality it is perfect, but we're here to play this game. So it's right it's acknowledging that things are perfect from one perspective, but also feeling the pain. Yeah, and also and also feeling the hurt. You can do both.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, and and both are necessary, right? Because you we we don't want to disassociate from what is, and and it's it's easy to spiritualize these things, right? But we we have to remember that we're in a human body.
SPEAKER_00:We like this like spiritual detachment that's like, well, everything's perfect, what there's nothing to worry about. You can't it's not about it's not and it's also not about worrying, it's also not about being attached to the outcome, it's acknowledging, it's acknowledging that there is two.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Yeah, there's this and that. Yes, and yes, it's this and that. Yes, the it's this that, oh my god, look at the chaos, look at the devastation that has occurred and and the grief that so many families uh are are are experiencing from the displacement and from the loss of life. Um, and so and to fully be with that, to fully be with that ache, that that inner ache, and at the same time walking with, and I don't know where all of this is leading to. And can I can I can I trust that at some part, you know, at some point that this is all going to turn around. I don't know how and I don't know when. So it's it's like even connecting with the sense of powerlessness that we feel as human beings that oh my god, I feel so small that there's nothing that I can really do to make this different. Right? Because Mother Nature, she is such a force and we cannot control her. Right. And so it's it's these moments in in our lived experience that we become so humble. Right. And we see how really very how very fragile we really are. Like we're we're not as invincible as we think.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and because we're in these human bodies, we're definitely not invincible because uh death is everywhere, and we try to avoid it as if you know, uh, this is something that you know we don't think about it, but then when we have something this catastrophic happens, we're reminded of this vulnerability and this fragility in these bodies.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and if if I if you don't mind, I'll just kind of segue into another topic here along the same lines. Uh and everything you just said was beautifully put, but I also want to just take it away from like a large magnitude event such as a hurricane or famine and bring it down to even something that's happening like inside you. Uh, we were talking, we were talking a minute ago before the show about um, you know, since you've you know kind of purged yourself of all of these materialistic things, you've had a little bit of hard time sleeping at night. And and that, you know, that aspect of that itself uh, you know, was causing you uh to feel a certain way about it. And you know, and and and and furthermore, like uh it took you basically acknowledging that wait a second, I'm labeling this as a bad thing, yeah, to be able to you know to work through it. And and it's the same, it's the same exact thing, it's the same exact thing as acknowledging the hurricane and the victims, yeah, but also realizing that things are perfect. So, so so to put it in perspective in terms of what we talked about before, is when I wrote it down, I I I said, and this is like the most Pollyanna way of looking at life, I get that for those skeptics out there, like my wife. This is it might make you throw up in your mouth a little bit when I say this, but this is how I put this is how I try to shove everything through, is that like this is happening for me, not to me. And and get it, I get it. If you're sitting there in the middle of a damn flood and you're watching your house wash away, totally, totally. But I think the idea is to feel the pain, work through the pain for the situation of you with your um um sleep, acknowledge the emotion, acknowledge the way your body feels, but at the same time understand that if it wasn't for my benefit, it would not be happening.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. No, I I I love that, right? Like bringing this back to a very personal experience, right? Yes, and so it's because it's happening, what's happening out there in the macro is also happening on the micro level within us, right? In different in different ways. And for me, like I've had uh this insomnia where I couldn't fall asleep, and and and in the moments where I did, it's like I'm feeling all of this fear and all of these different things. And and it felt like uh I had like this tornado going on inside of me, right? And it was just pushing things around and making me very, very uncomfortable. And I realized that I had to connect with what what am I really feeling? Like everything that I've done, getting rid of everything, the home and uprooting myself. And that's what what response is that a listen from my ego, from my nervous system, that is like, we don't do this. This is not what we do. Where are we grounded now? Right. So it's like some aspects of me that uh have a vision of like a lighthouse, and it the light is just spanning to see, well, where are we now? Where are we now? Yeah, um, and and it was only yesterday that I realized that oh, I just need to accept that this is my new normal and that it's okay. And the moment I came to that realization of just shifting my perspective, I felt this instant lightness in my body. Um, just it just came over me. And so, you know, journaling what my fears were, and um, you know, what what would change, what wouldn't change. It's like completely surrendering to this now moment of what is.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That was the big shift for me yesterday, and I slept like a rock last night, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and and and it what what it is, and by my uneducated perspective, is you're you're just acknowledging your place in it all. Yes, that's it. And and and what you're doing is becoming nobody, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So to type my ego is terribly afraid of that because it wants to be somebody, my ego.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, your ego wants to make you important to say something's wrong with you, you need to worry about this. Right, you're the anomaly, you're special, you're the anomaly. Like you need to go to the hospital now because no, you know, so all of these things, right? And and and to kind of tie everything back to the topic of this this podcast about you know becoming somebody before you become nobody, the the act of saying this is happening for me, not to me, is the act of becoming nobody. The fact that if it's if if that's true, then there's so much more to this game than Nate Johnson and Esha.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, yes.
SPEAKER_00:If that's true, so when I say that, it's not me just trying to be optimistic or put a positive spin on things, it's it's it's it's it's a it's almost like a mantra for me that helps me shut shut my ego up. You know what I mean? And it's like uh-uh, become nobody in this instance, right? You're nobody in the instance, and and what we mean by that, you know, especially for some of our new listeners, is not not nobody in the traditional sense that you're not important, it's nobody in the sense that we are all one. We're not individuals, we are all one collective consciousness, all here to do the same thing. And the game of this whole thing we're here to do is to come in as a separate and learn how to reunify as with one with everybody. That's right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Remembering to remember why we're here and and and basically re you know, reunify, rejoin. You're never you're never not with God, but at least your awareness, okay, your and really what it is, is your consciousness is always with God, um, with source, but it's really your mind and this body's acknowledgement that while you are physically present in this body, you the real you is not, right? Yeah, it's um and hence becoming nobody, meaning that you are more than this body, no body, right?
SPEAKER_01:No body, right? Literally nobody, yeah, yeah, and you know, look, it's it's the awareness is what's important, right? So no one has to go off to the Himalayas or you know become a sadhu or even do what what I'm doing, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just doing what what felt right for me. Um, and yeah, so that's that's my uh that's my journey. But um a huge part of it is is becoming more aware and speaking the unspoken truth. You know, if we can be in the moment and speak the truth of what is and really be real with ourselves. And the moment we do that, we step into a different territory with ourselves and with life, right? Because we're daring to be truthful, we're daring to be in the present moment with the truth, with reality. We're we're not outside of reality, we're in reality. And to just speak those, the that unspoken truth, which for a lot of us is very hard because the moment you utter the truth, it's almost like you you've now given life to it. And for a lot of us, we we don't want to speak the truth because we're afraid of what that means.
SPEAKER_00:Well, it means that maybe the path I've been marching down for every day of my life up until the moment you speak the truth may not have been the whole story.
SPEAKER_01:Right. You know, I had a woman, um, someone who follows me on Facebook, and she contacted me and she says, We've never met, and she's like, but I've been reading what you're doing. How did you do it? Please tell me how, because she's like, there's a part of me that really wants to do this, and I think it's possible. She's like, I don't want to live this kind of life running around like my head cut off like a chicken. She's like, tell me how you're doing it. Yeah, and so we had a conversation about it, but I've had a couple of people who've approached me and said, Wow, how bold. Right. And you know, and and and so I think people have a deep desire for that level of freedom.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But how the Matrix has created our programming is to tie and lock us in to remain in in this way that this is the only path. And it's not the only path.
SPEAKER_00:It's not the only path. And furthermore, you said it a second ago, but I just want to re-rate. Um we are not saying that the right way is to sell all of your belongings and no become homeless. We're not saying that.
unknown:No.
SPEAKER_00:What we're saying is that whatever it is that makes you happy, whatever it is that fulfills you in a way that answers that voice inside that's screaming at you to do the thing that you've been wanting to do, whatever that voice is screaming inside of you, that's what you need to do.
SPEAKER_01:That, yes.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, and and and for Esha, it was this. For you, it might be starting a book club, it might be taking evening walks. I don't know what it is, but it's something that breaks you out of the patterns that you are not wanting to be in.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Yeah, a hundred percent. That's it. And for each of us, we've got to find what that thing is, right? Right. And see, and see where where it takes you. Become curious enough to see if I do this thing that I'm not used to doing, and it creates a different set of behavioral uh patterns for me, where is it going to lead me?
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:What would it what would it open up inside of me? So become curious, like walk with curiosity and and walk with wonder. Like I feel if we become childlike again in some ways, right? That we'll have a uh more of an affinity to take risk. As children, we took risk all the time when we were exploring life. And as adults, we we've lost that, we've lost that sense of curiosity and wonder to go and explore. And you know, so it's like, yeah, that word wonder, right? Like, how do we invite wonder back in our lives? Because with everything that's going on right now globally, we're losing the sense, the essence of wonder. Yeah, and all you have to do, and you have young kids, is to watch your young children play and how the smallest thing is wonderful for them. Right? So much joy in just the small little things.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I think that this is a perfect jumping off point because I haven't told you this yet.
SPEAKER_03:Uh oh.
SPEAKER_00:So hopefully you're pull with it. If not, I'll go back and cut this enough. The next episode, I would like to talk about what I've been working on for the last six months, which is um this venture into a new healing modality that, in my opinion, is the number one way to regain wonder in your life, and that is by bypassing that lower brain, that reptilian brain that sends you into worry, stress, sameness equals safety. And that's why is because when kids the reason kids have wonderment is because they're present. Yes, they're not worried about what happened yesterday, and they're not worried about what's gonna happen tomorrow. They are present in the moment, right? And if they are worried about anything, it's because they're excited beyond all belief about the possibilities, they're not concerned about what could happen, and that's where all that comes from. And as we grow and expand, that lower brain begins to take hold of us and it puts us in a mental state of where we're unable to really express that. So um, kind of a teaser for next episode. Um, I want to talk about what I've been working on, and it's a modality that kind of helps get us there. So, with that being said, we're coming up on an hour here, and I like I like to kind of keep these on you know an hour or so. And um man, I um it's been so good to kind of reconnect with you. Not that we haven't talked since our last podcast, because we talk a lot, but um, I really like talking through this. I I I I hate I don't want to cut this off, but I think we will we're gonna lose people if we go much longer than an hour. So sure. Um but I I'm I don't I'm not just saying this. I I am so happy for you, both from the um the boldness and the action taking that you've taken, and also the fact that you know you found somebody in the midst of that action taking that um, you know, I believe is is going to be a very important person for you uh in the long run. And um, you know, I know that those um I know that that what you said earlier is not taken lightly by any means because we've known each other now for what coming up on four and a half, almost five more years. Um and um, you know, I've never heard you um use the words that you're using about somebody uh that you're using for this guy, and and um I I just I'm so happy for you, and um, you know, man, um I'm also excited to be your friend and partner and along on this journey because um you know who knows where you're gonna be after the course of these podcasts and when we're doing these video calls. I mean, yeah, um, so I think I welcome you know the listeners to uh ignite the wonder again and and and also kind of like live vicariously through Eschelle because who the hell knows where she's gonna be whenever we it says that where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Where in the world is Eschie? Yeah, yeah. I mean, she might be in Vermont, she might be in Thailand, she might be in North Carolina, who knows?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, who knows? It's it's wonderful. Look, and I want to end by just telling the listeners choose you, yeah, choose yourself, trust, take a leap of faith. You know, like when I decided that I was gonna do this with the house, I had no idea where it was gonna lead, and and then and meeting this new person in my life, it all happened when I decided to just completely let go.
SPEAKER_00:That's it.
SPEAKER_01:Right? Totally unexpected. Just when I decided to let go, this wonder came into my life that I wasn't even expecting. Um, so take a leap of faith, but choose yourself.
SPEAKER_00:And let me ask you this too, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but when you started doing that, did do you feel do you feel that since and and I realize that some of this is new? Like you, it's been what, about a month and a half since you sold your house?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, August 26th was the closing date.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so yeah. All right. So do you feel that things have become more fluid and that like you're not having to try as much for the things to come into your life that you're looking for?
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's just it. I'm not looking for anything.
SPEAKER_00:Well, true, but I'm just saying that like the fulfillment that you're getting from choosing you, um, is that my my point that I'm making is that when you get in the vibration of choosing you, your purpose, your passion, the things that light you up, um, which which I personally believe, other than becoming nobody, is the purpose of being here as a human being, is to is to fulfill our passions. That's right. When you're emanating that type of vibration, the things you're looking for will just show up.
SPEAKER_01:It just shows up. Absolutely. Like I sent you some of these things that I've been drawing, right? I don't consider myself an artist or anything, but I just have this insatiable appetite to just draw and to create.
SPEAKER_00:They look beautiful, by the way.
SPEAKER_01:And so I I'm just going with it, and I'm like, it doesn't matter what it is or how it comes out, I'm not even attached to how it comes out, but it's to just to pour this creative energy out into some medium. But yes, it does, it happens more fluidly. I guess that's the word I would use. Things become more fluid.
SPEAKER_00:And and I would just say from my own experience, and um is that when you start to make decisions for you, for your passions, yeah, that whether it be selling your house or quitting a job or starting a new relationship or deciding to paint every afternoon, right? Like you will start to see the things that you want to happen in your life to happen more fluidly. Yes. Um, and and that may be letting go of some relationships or quitting a job or um those things like that. So choose you and and to just put it put it in on it, you know, you know, choose you, and also like I said, this to kind of put a button on this topic of becoming somebody before you become nobody is is that just realize the fact that we are we are we are somebody in the sense that you play these roles and you play this, but remember the bigger picture that we're all one, and and by being one, we're nobody.
SPEAKER_01:That's right. We're the I am collectively, yes.
SPEAKER_00:And I am now going to end this episode, guys. Thank you so much for listening. This is the end of episode 29. Happy to be back, and uh, we're gonna be doing this now. What? Ash, I think we're gonna try to do what one a month monthly, monthly. We're gonna do it monthly. So uh check us out on social media, send us your messages if you've got topics uh about what you want us to talk about, or if you want to be a guest, if you've got something that you think would be cool, let us know. Thank you guys. See you soon.